Hello! Today’s post is by request! A few of you have asked for some tips or do’s and don’ts for women at the office. I am excited to chat with you today about how you can put a fresh professional look together no matter where you work. This is very basic information but just remember, when it comes to makeup, you want to go with neutral and non-glittery colors with not too much drama. And even if your workplace is very casual, you can still polish up your look. Thank you for watching!
Do you feel like giving up on your marriage ever being the way you dreamed it would be when you made that promise? Do you feel a draining loneliness hanging over your home? Does the tension you both clench through with every interaction, make you feel like you’re being snapped in two? Do you feel like you and your spouse are straining to drag a dead body strapped to your backs up the hill of life? Do you feel like you are having to share the intimacy of daily life in the same home with a total stranger? Are you living with someone you can’t even stand?
If the answer was yes to any of the above questions, you know I don’t need to tell you that your marriage is in serious danger. But you might not be able to pinpoint the root issue of the impasse. Friend, what I know from my own marriage and trying to help many who struggle, is that what you are experiencing is agony of a breach of ONENESS in your marriage.
The theological concept behind the mystery of God joining two into one at the point of a marriage is just that, a mystery. But the fact that we don’t really understand it doesn’t mean that it is not an inescapable positional fact. The bond is permanent and is irrevocable except in the instance of adultery or abandonment by an unbeliever and then only if the hearts involved are so hard that they cannot find the grace to keep trying. (See Matthew 19:1-10) So the pain we feel when the oneness is decayed experientially in a marriage is caused by two people pulling against the bonds God created when he joined you. It’s like you are gnawing your own arm off but can’t understand why you can’t get rid of the pain.
In every marriage, because we are fallen humans, there are hundreds of tiny offenses committed against the practical oneness within it. Healthy ones recognize the threats and seek to eliminate them and build intimacy. But a stalemate among the couple, when those little threats pile up and are tolerated because it is preferable at the time to repentance and repair, can cause even larger ones to be committed. And sometimes, a huge breach is inflicted and it is just allowed to fester. So what are some major oneness breaches? I’ll list a few of the worst. These are major marriage killers:
Secrecy: How can there be active intimacy when there are secrets? Sneaking porn and masturbation, allowing emotional attachments to form with the opposite sex, not being honest about personal emotional baggage, spending money without consulting and coming to an agreement with the other, addiction, Lying about how you are spending your time or whom you are spending it…these are all examples of the kinds of betrayals that kill oneness.
Being an Island: When one or both of the couple is living like a signal person, the marriage is doomed to fall short of God’s design. Sometimes, men especially don’t have the skill to be able to express what they are feeling or they feel threatened by the vulnerability of it, so they just drift away. They drift into work-a-holicism, or neglect the relationship to pursue intense hobbies, or they just build walls that cut off communication by tuning out as soon as they get home. They are withdrawn and uninvolved. They forget that communicating is the bridge that connects two hearts and that it takes time, and tenderness and focus to open those doors. They may get frustrated at their wives lack of desire for physical intimacy, not understanding that she will not want to give herself to a man who does not pursue her heart first. Sometimes an injured wife just cuts the husband off and plows around him through life as the resentment builds.
Resentment: This is a big one for wives. I’ve seen wives who were so hurt and so angry that they could not even show a minimum of basic kindness and respect to their husband. Their speech and their behavior either became so abrasive and sharp that is was like a knife in the husband’s back, or they just start ignoring him. Some, even start trying to blame and control the other. They treat the husband like he is a child or an imbecile. They nag, they second guess decisions, they mock. Every little slight sets off a yelling match or causes the cold shoulder. I’ve seen this cycle degenerate relationships so much that both become convinced they don’t even love each other anymore. When sharp words, eye-rolling and dismissing attitudes are noticeable even in public, you know that the private interactions are probably becoming intolerable for both. A spouse who feels trapped and cornered in a combative relationship will either fight or flee. If you find yourself threatening divorce or separation, I guarantee you are struggling with this one. These threats will only make it worse and will absolutely keep you stuck or hasten the demise of the marriage.
Parenting wars: Using Children as a weapon is not just devastating to the child, it puts both parents in combat mode immediately. It is big time unhealthy to lean on a child or teen for the love and affection you need while rejecting and battling your spouse. Using the children as a way to hurt, control or isolate the other spouse is also to guaranteed way to mess up your child’s development as well as cause your spouse to want to hurt you back and become defensive. This is incredibly dysfunctional and oddly the ones who do it the most are the ones having been most damaged by it in their own childhood. It becomes their go-to fallback plan, making the home a war-zone even if it is as subtle as just not telling the other parent what is going on or meeting all the needs of the child yourself, creating a false or unhealthy dependence on only one parent. It feels like kids are being asked to choose a side or are being poisoned against another parent who may be struggling with being a good spouse but is actually a good parent only to be shut out or sabotaged by the other spouse.
If you have recognized your own home-life in these examples either in bits or on a large-scale, you can turn the tide. But if you continue to contaminate the atmosphere in the home with these behaviors, you are setting your home aflame and watching it burn to the ground. You can’t change your spouse but you can work on YOU. You can’t always change your feelings right away, but you can change your behavior which will de-escalate the stress and give you time to work through the feelings. You can’t make past offenses cease to exist, but you can tackle the issues together as opposed to separately and in a vacuum. I will close this article with a list of the top 4 ways you can build oneness TODAY. Choosing to implement these steps will only help. It can’t hurt. Choosing to work a plan like this will require you to recruit some accountability. So enlist a godly friend to ask you the hard questions and get in your face if you waiver. You might even want to ask a godly couple whose marriage is healthy and longstanding to mentor you in these areas. God will bless the effort and bring the healing only He can produce. Do you have enough fear of the Lord and faith in His power to change the situation to try?
1. Stop sneaking around. Put some staunch boundaries around your heart, your eyes, your ears and your appetites. Be open with your passwords, your spending, your schedule, your phone. End any tempting or compromising relationships immediately whether in person or online. Confess any lapses in sobriety and get treatment. Be patient as you earn back trust. If there is something in your past that you are hiding, work toward getting the marriage healthy enough to give you the safety you need to get honest about it. If you have perpetuated lies, confess it and make reparation. Strive for honesty and transparency. Without these in a marriage, true biblical intimacy is impossible.
2. Tear down the walls: Fight hard against parallel living. Build in times to be alone and communicate. Be willing to sacrifice your hobbies and long hours away from home for a season, in order to reconnect and bond. Plan some dates. Plan some family outings. Turn off your phone and your TV. Remind yourself to share your feelings and your experiences throughout the day. But don’t just text about schedules and plans, share the deeper stuff. Stop being lazy about romance and nurturing the love. Stop making plans without consulting the family. Don’t come home and check out, save energy for relating to your family, especially your wife. Draw her out in conversation, actively listen. Make her feel safe. Wives, if your husband reaches out for you, respond.
3. Augment your ugly behavior: Choose to show respect, kindness, gentle speech, and affirmation. Eliminate callousness, nagging, mocking and criticism. Publicly praise and build up your spouse. When he pursues you, or leads you, receive it with openness, good will and unguarded vulnerability. I know, if you’ve been hurt or are angry still, this seems too scary. But remind yourself you are safe because Jesus protects those who are needy but teachable. Force yourself to treasure, meditate on and express gratitude for the good things your husband does. Determine in your will to forgive because God says to. Refuse to bring up the past to him, to yourself or to others. Trust God to carry you through the daily process of crucifying your bitterness with acts of affection, service and affirmation such as preparing a favorite meal, tweeting a “way to go” statement about your spouse, or taking his hand and sincerely smiling up in his face. You won’t regret taking this risk. As you do it, it gets easier and feels more natural. Above all, set a guard over your mouth and fill it with kindness. I’ve said it a million times, I’ve seen it work: Do the right thing and right feelings will follow.
4. Solidarity: Make a firm declaration to your kids that your spouse is number one. Don’t just say it, live it. Affirm them in front of the kids. Be indivisible as parents with your values and discipline. Don’t make unilateral decisions about the kids. Don’t foster lopsided dependence or loyalty toward yourself with the kids. Never criticize the other spouse to the kids. Never ask a child to bear the responsibility of meeting emotional needs that God intended your spouse to meet. Never allow tension to build up and poison the atmosphere in your home. Pray for your children out loud with your spouse. Put them to bed together. Eat meals and go on dessert runs together. Share fun times and play together. Tell your kids you are grateful for your spouse. Show affection to each other in front of your kids. Laugh at your spouses humor. Take pictures of your spouse loving on your kids and being a good parent. Let your kids see you sacrificially serving your spouse and hear your praying good things for them.
If you were to make a list of these behaviors, and implement them consistently for one month…If you were to get some godly people around you to confront you if you quit…If you were to enlist another mentor couple to help you sort out the mistakes of the past and to model lifetime love for you and pray for you…if you were to surrender your fears and your anger and your pain to a loving God with a purpose in mind to obey…if you took divorce or separation off the table…if you could work on your part and stop trying to control your spouse…if you could just take one step their direction… Your miracle would emerge-your needs would be met-your love would return-your testimony would be powerful and your Lord would be close and His discipline would subside. All this is yours for the taking…or you could rip apart what God has joined and your kids will perpetuate these failed behaviors. Choose well. The real reason your marriage is still stuck could be that you are not doing what you know you should do.
Hi Lovely Ladies! Today’s video is an in-depth look at how I care for my eyebrows. Some of the things I do my even surprise you! I hope you find it helpful. We are also looking at the character trait of HUMILITY, and how it beautifies us from within. I hope you like the video, see you tomorrow!
Hi Ladies! Today we are going to Hawaii! Well, my eyes are, Ha! I took inspiration from the print on my T-Shirt and designed a look that blends peaches and coppers with a pop of ocean blue. I hope you like it and are inspired try it on your own eyes.
Our inner beauty trait to tackle today is LOYALTY. We can always benefit from the beauty of a loyal life. So let me know what loyalty means to you. I thank you for watching today and I pray you are blessed with people in your life who are loyal to you as well. All the products I used are mentioned. Here’s the Video:
Today’s post is a quick Chat about Favorite Fragrances and why we like them. We are also talking about how God receives our worship and He refers to is as a fragrant offering. So our inner beauty quality is WORSHIP. Please take a moment to watch and think about how fragrance works on our memory and our mood as well as our fashion. I hope you like the video. I think of you as my friends, just sitting around for tea and chatting about womanly things. Have a wonderful day…
Statistics show that 1 in 5 females are sexually assaulted or abused at some point in their lives. I believe that number is probably even higher due to unreported experiences. Because the numbers are so sad, because I see the imprint of sin and shame in so many faces, I felt the time was right to speak about a day in my life that shattered my innocence. The following post needs a “trigger” warning for those who might have experienced a trauma of a sexual nature. Read this only with support and caution. Also, If you are sensitive to vulgar, profane, and abusive language, be warned. I have included some direct quotes from my experience. They are ugly.
When I was in the 8th grade, an event occurred in my life that nearly defeated me. I’m going to tell you the story. But I want you to know from the outset it will be painful for both of us. You should know as well, that…it didn’t ruin me. I’m strong. I’m healed and I’m free. I’m clean and pure. I have peace, a purpose and an untarnished mind, because Jesus saved me, from my past and from myself.
I was sitting in my math class trying to focus when an office -aide handed my teacher a slip of paper. She handed it to me told me I was being called to the vice principal’s office. At that moment I knew I was exposed. My fears and panic rose when I rounded the corner to the glass enclosed office and saw both my parents sitting there looking ashamed. He waved me in and I sat down. He informed me I was being suspended from riding the school bus for 90 days for screaming and being disruptive. The bus driver had written me up. He asked me to explain myself considering I was a model student and had never been in trouble before. I was getting the “how could you” look from my folks.
I mumbled I was sorry and that yes, I had been screaming on the bus. I hadn’t even noticed the driver was aware of me, in fact, I didn’t remember getting off at my stop and walking home. I had told no one what I was screaming about. But I gulped and told the adults the truth. I had been attacked.
In my school district, 8th graders were housed in the Old High School building, then called the 8th grade center. Buses would pick us up there to take us home, but when they got to us they had also been to the High School and were already filled with much older kids. There was an older boy named “Steve”. He was aggressive, tall and handsome and everyone seemed to follow everything he did, including gathering around his seat on the bus and looking at the dirty magazine he kept in his book bag which he stole from his father’s closet. Steve started noticing me. He started making vulgar comments about my appearance. But weirdly, I liked that a high school boy was paying me attention. In my immature sheltered way, I began flirting back. I was playing around with the adrenaline rush of rebellion, at least in my little girl mind. I was experimenting with my budding 13-year-old self, thinking I was discovering the power of being pretty. But somehow the sexual things he would say just made me feel dirty, even though I did not really understand what they meant.
Back to the story, the day IT happened. I walked onto the bus and he motioned me back to his domain. He told me I was looking hot in my jeans and my “tits” had grown. He had his magazine out and I could see his erection in his jeans. He told me to come over and see something. In spite of the warning bells in my head, I went. He pulled me down in the seat. All the older boys, about 6 of them, stood with their knees in the seats all around forming a barricade limiting the line of sight in all directions. I was afraid. I knew I was in trouble. He turned me around with my back up against him and whispered in my ear, “I smell pussy.”. In my innocence and sheltered mind, I told him it wasn’t me because I didn’t even have a cat. My mom was allergic. He laughed and laughed and they all joined in. “Let’s see if you have a cat.”, He said. Then a boy in the seat behind us grabbed one hand. A boy in the seat in front grabbed my elbow. Steve pinned me with his arm around my waist and opened my jeans and put his hands all down my pants and inside me. He unbuttoned my Oxford shirt and lifted my bra and exposed my breasts to all the boys and touched me all over. The whole time pinning me against him. They were so strong. I was trying to kick and get free. Honestly they were like a vicious crazed pack of wolves, glaring and laughing at my struggle saying filthy things about me. My field of vision collapsed and I blocked it all out like it was someone else being attacked. At some point I realized the bus wasn’t moving and that the bus driver was yelling for me to shut up and get off his bus.
They released me. As I quickly tried to button my clothes and find my school things scattered all over the back of the bus, he whispered “You’re such a whore. Get out of here. You made my hands stink,”. I got home somehow and while my parents were still at work, I sobbed. I examined myself, not a scratch or bruise on me. No proof of an assault other than a broken heart and a tiny drop of blood on my panties. I was afraid no one would believe I had struggled, with no bruises so I said nothing.
I never told these details that day. All I said was that the boys held me down and touched me. The principal asked a bunch of degrading questions like did I wear a lot of makeup and was I wearing something revealing that day that made them attack me. I didn’t even know the boys’ names, except for “steve”. The principal told me I had better learn to act like a lady and behave on the bus from now on and that he would let the driver know that the boys had been “rude” to me.
I don’t remember a lot of details after that, except that I left school with my parents and we went home. I remember my dad somehow making an appointment to tell Steve’s parents what I claimed and that they made me go over to his house with them and accuse him. His parents made him say he was sorry and they all assured me he would be grounded and would learn how to treat girls with respect. The whole thing made me feel even worse. I know that, today, we know more about the nature of sexual assault and molestation. I know that if that had happened today, there’s a good chance the authorities would have been called. I would have been taken to be checked at a doctor. I might have even been offered counseling instead of blamed for the attack and punished.
My family never mentioned the incident again. It was never spoken of. No one ever asked if I was Ok or asked if I need to talk about my feelings. But, thank God, they never made me ride that bus again. And life went on…But the damage was done. The evil grip of shame had its talons deep in me. And for decades I felt like a dirty, filthy person. I never felt worthy, or good enough, or clean. It effected every relationship I had with family, friends, and the opposite sex.
I know now that what happened that day was not my fault. I know now that I am loved and safe. The grace of God poured out on me as I’ve gotten to walk this life with Him, has been more than enough to put me back together again. The strong faithful love of the godly man I married 25 years ago has been my life raft and sanctuary. I have learned to live the freedom of forgiveness Jesus taught and lived for us. If you don’t know Jesus, I can help you meet Him.
If you have been assaulted, speak up. You will need help to heal. Your physical wounds will heal quickly. The wounds invisible on your heart and your mind will need more time and more attention to mend. In my 25+ years of ministry I have come to see so much pain in the faces of so many. Even when they never share their story, I can sense the damage as the shame seeps from their wounds. I know my story can be used by God to make others feel “normal”. I pray it will be a release to hundreds who thought they could never heal, who thought they would cower forever in the dark shadows and never be free. A personal relationship with The Redeemer and a saturation in His love and His Words will be the miracle you need. Shame is the devil’s calling card. Don’t let live with it. Expose it to The Light.
Closing Note: I welcome your comments. Feel free to share this post with whoever it can help. But, I am not a counselor. I will not be able to personally carry the load of providing the care many victims will need if they decide to seek help, but I can direct local people to professionals who can. If you are searching for God, I can lead you to the cross of Jesus.
Well, good evening Beautiful Friends! I hope you have had a great day. Today was amazing and busy at the same time. But the post tonight is about taking a traditional eye look and amping it up a bit with some unexpected spunk. To do that I have used three different shades of Purple, yes, Purple! This is actually the eye makeup look I wore in my son’s recent wedding. You can see it in the picture.
Our inner beauty quality is DIGNITY. Nothing is uglier than a woman forgetting her dignity. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman who has class and is appropriate in every situation. Our scripture from Proverbs 31:25 reminds us that strength and dignity are ironically perfect partners with fearlessness and laughter. So I thought a 47 year old woman wearing purple eyeshadow but without the glitter was a great expression of that intent of my heart.
The video contains a shout-out to my lovely, strong, dignified, fierce and funny friend, Michelle Myers who is also the wife to our East Campus Pastor, James. (and mom to two darling and energetic boys). If you don’t know her, you need to. You can look her up on her Facebook pages for her THREE businesses/ministries. Here are the links, so eat her up:
She works His way http://www.facebook.com/sheworksHisway
Cross Training Couture http://www.facebook.com/crosstrainingcouture
Myers Cross Training http://www.facebook.com/michellemcnattmyers
Thanks for watching, here’s the video:
Well, ladies, we are back in my bathroom today for a quick look at how I put loose smooth curls in my thin fine hair using a Flatiron. This is a very quick process and produces a messy wave with body. By the way- when I edited the video I was mortified to see the gray roots showing so badly! I’m about 3 week passed due for color and have an appointment TOMORROW. Please be gentle:)
I put the inner quality of THE FEAR OF GOD out there as our inner beauty goal today. So I look up Proverbs 31:30 and have that in mind as we chat. I thank you for being with me today. I hope this series has been fun and helpful. Have a BEAUTIFUL day!
Hello ladies and thank you for stopping by the blog today. We start the video today with the inner beauty subject of DEPENDABILITY. If we want to be beautiful on the inside, we can’t go letting people down…but nor can we over-commit and get frazzled. There is a way to be trustworthy as well as keep boundaries and margin in our lives. So, we look at Matthew 5:37, “All you ned to say is simply ‘yes’ or ‘no’; anything beyond this comes form the evil one.”
No is a complete sentence…all by itself. Yes, means you will do it, you can be relied upon. Keep it simple. Keep it firm. Keep it balanced and you will be trustworthy. You will be a beautiful friend, co-worker, employee, church member, spouse and parent.
I hope you like this eye look. It is easy to create and requires very few products. I enjoy it and wear it often. It is work and day appropriate too. Taupe is a color that looks great on all eye colors. Give it a try with any shadows you have in your collection! A list of the products I used to create this look is provided in the “Info” tab of the youtube video itself.
PS- be sure to “LIKE” and share my new Facebook page! http://www.facebook.com/lori.frank
Today’s beauty post is twofold. What makeup, if any do I wear to workout… and If I could only have 5 products for the rest of my life on a desert island, what would I choose.
Today’s inner beauty chat is all about being beautifully authentic. We talk about the difference between authentic and transparent. I thank you for watching. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who is humble and REAL. Let’s let that be our target today… Let’s close the gap between who we say we are and who we actually are! XOXO, Lori